The Silent Grief After Abortion No One Prepares You For
No one really talks about what happens after.
Not the quiet.
Not the pretending.
Not the way you tell yourself you’re fine and then cry in the shower where no one can hear you.
If you’ve experienced abortion, you were likely given information about the procedure.
Maybe even reassurance about your choice.
But no one prepared you for the silent grief.
And yes it is grief.
Even if it was the right decision.
Even if you felt relief.
Even if you would make the same choice again.
Two things can be true at once.
You can know it was right and still grieve what could have been.
What Is Silent Grief?
Silent grief is grief that doesn’t feel socially “allowed.”
It’s the kind of grief you don’t post about.
The kind you don’t bring up at dinner.
The kind you swallow because you don’t want to invite judgment.
Psychologists call this disenfranchised grief. Grief that isn’t publicly acknowledged or validated.
When grief has nowhere to go, it doesn’t disappear.
It settles.
In the body.
In the nervous system.
In the quiet spaces of your life.
Sometimes it shows up as:
Irritability
Numbness
Anxiety
Unexpected waves of sadness
Avoiding babies or pregnancy announcements
A sense of “something missing” you can’t explain
And sometimes it shows up years later.
But I Don’t Regret It…
One of the most confusing parts of post-abortion grief is this:
You may not regret your decision.
You may even feel relief.
And then guilt creeps in because you feel sad.
Or guilt creeps in because you don’t feel sad enough.
The emotional conflict can feel overwhelming.
Let me gently say this:
Relief does not cancel grief.
Grief does not mean regret.
Your nervous system is processing a meaningful experience.
That’s not weakness.
That’s humanity.
Why No One Prepared You
Abortion is often discussed in extremes.
Political.
Medical.
Moral.
Rarely emotional.
There is very little space in our culture for the nuanced middle, the woman who made the best decision she could… and still carries complexity in her heart.
So women go silent.
They go back to work.
Back to parenting.
Back to being “fine.”
And they carry it alone.
If that’s you, I want you to know:
You are not dramatic.
You are not broken.
You are not weak for feeling this.
Your body remembers.
Your heart remembers.
And healing begins when you stop pretending you’re untouched.
How Grief Lives in the Body
When emotions are suppressed, the nervous system doesn’t just “move on.”
Unprocessed grief can look like:
Chronic tension
Fatigue
Emotional shutdown
Over-functioning
Self-sabotage
Difficulty receiving joy
This isn’t punishment.
It’s protection.
Your system learned that it wasn’t safe to feel — so it went quiet.
Healing isn’t about forcing tears.
It’s about creating safety.
Safety to acknowledge.
Safety to feel.
Safety to hold both relief and loss without shame.
A Gentle First Step
If this resonates, here is a simple place to begin:
I invite you to place one hand over your heart.
One hand over your womb.
And say:
“There is room for all of this.”
No fixing.
No analyzing.
Just room.
You don’t have to relive everything.
You don’t have to label your emotions perfectly.
You just have to stop running from them.
Small safety creates big healing.
You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone
If you’ve been silently carrying grief after abortion, I created a gentle, supportive resource just for you.
✨ Beyond the Choice Healing Guide & Journal
A compassionate ebook and journal to help you untangle emotions, release shame, and reconnect with yourself — at your own pace.
No politics.
No agenda.
Just a safe place to begin again.
You can find it here → Download
If you’re ready for deeper guided support, my Beyond the Choice Self-Study Healing Journey walks you step-by-step through emotional processing, sacred rage, ritual, and integration.
And if you simply needed someone to say:
“Yes. This is real.”
Then I hope this post did that.
You are allowed to feel.
You are allowed to grieve.
You are allowed to heal.
There is nothing wrong with you.
xoxo-
Jennifer